This is The BAM Blog, sponsored by Black Alternative Match (www.blackaltmatch.com)
SLOW DOWN
Thanks to friends who are dating, we're able to stay up on the latest dating trends and nightmare stories. Often, people feel like they're scraping the bottom of the trash heap and they get frustrated; questioning if there are any decent people in the dating pool. What they don't realize is that they are helping to contaminate the pool. Our topic for today is to SLOW DOWN.
There are different reasons for moving too fast. Some people are distracted by every shiny new object and they rush in. Fools rush in, as the saying goes. Some people are so desperate to avoid being alone that they race to cross the proverbial finish line; sometimes leaping first and looking second, not realizing the dice they just rolled. It's risky.
Some people are people pleasers who sympathetically respond to the needs of their potential partner. This can come at a high cost; including their own pace, boundaries, and control. When we go too fast we're rolling the dice, hoping, wishing, and praying that we got lucky enough to find a decent person who won't take full advantage of us. Some partners act like moving faster is a virtue, as if there is no time and the relationship is like a bus with no brakes. Any vehicle has an easier time losing control the faster it goes. Keanu taught us that.
Many people may disguise their desire to speed things up behind romantic notions. We're not arguing that love at first sight doesn't exist; mainly due to this concept being more of a feeling that isn't uniform from one person to the next. People are different. Moving faster can hide issues and warning signs that people can hide from you, distracting you with love-bombing compliments or gifts. Many people, due to being in multiple relationships, have some idea about the problems they have. Instead of trying to fix them, many people simply hide them with shallow conversation and cordiality. So much energy is put into looking like a good man or woman; "a catch". But the more they push and the more they work to prove how "good" they are within a very short time period could mean they don't even believe that they can keep it up.
Think about it. Relationships develop over time, just like trust. Yes, you can tell someone you trust them after one day, but you can say anything. Relationships should grow like trees, getting stronger over time and more resistant to every which way the wind blows. If someone is trying to rush you they may not be strong enough not to get blown away by the wind. They just want the protective construct of the committed relationship to shield and forgive them when it happens.
An example of taking it slow can be seen in discussing sex. It's natural to be curious while you're getting to know each other. However, ladies, especially, need to be aware that men's minds can be carried away... into the gutter. From there, he may be more interested in fulfilling sexual desires than building a successful relationship. This is something guys try to hide but sometimes you can see how much he's interested in you by considering how much the conversation revolves around sex vs actually getting to know your non-sexual side and what you like, how you think, feel, and communicate. It is also true that a lot of guys are conquerer types. They're willing to invest time and effort to achieve the goal of landing in that woman's bed but if they achieve it too early, it's like climaxing too early. It's not as satisfying and so even though it seems to be something that appeases him, the same thing can make him run once he's conquered.
So take your time. Stop and smell the roses. Taking your time may actually help you feel safer and more secure because you're both moving with confidence in the future of the relationship; not fearing for it so much that you use artificial means to try and prop it up. Let love happen naturally. When the environmental conditions are right for love, that's when it blooms. Trying to command nature with words and magic spells is actually worse than just letting it grow naturally.
